69. and 70. sha-wing

alright, i am a bit behind, i know.  i'm working on it.  i'm also working on several large projects and papers and presentations.... the list goes on.  BUT, i am enjoying everything (as of right now, when i have optimism towards the opportunity to do homework that will pop up all weekend long; talk to me on sunday night) i am liking the process of doing all the menial tasks involved in the GRADUATION process.   yes, graduation.  in seven months, i will have a degree.  from a college, not just my dinky high school diploma.  oh yeah that's right.  it is a little hard to see the forest for the trees right now, but eventually i will remember how glad i am to be so close to that time when i no longer have to look at my clock and think "if i miss this class, how much will it really matter?"  damn i'm going to miss it.  but right now, let's just focus on how much i do not like school.  it is sucking up all my reading time.  naughty naughty school.  but i have managed to squeeze in a few here and there- Friday Night Lights by H.G. Bissinger was a keeper of a true story (no "based on a..." b.s. here) and Sizzling Sixteen, the latest Janet Evanovich novel.  also known as the easiest 309 page book to read found out of the children's section ever.  but it was mildly entertaining, which is all i can ask for in a sea of floppy-backed books about teaching writing for insightful students blah blah blah.  but on another note, i think i may read a little tonight, too.  it is friday, after all, and i have to reward myself for going to class this morning- it's reeeeally hard to make myself put on real clothes and makeup and wait for the bus for 50 minutes worth of class.  i spend more time getting ready and waiting for transit than i do in class.  it's a time issue with me, not a laziness.  ha.  but i did!  then i came home and took some nyquil sinus! yaaaay! then i wrote the first half of a rationale for a midterm project due in like 5 days that i just now started and then i took a nap and watched modern family!!!!!!  it's been a day of excitement for me!!!!!  ha ha ha!!!!!!!  alright, i'm done with the exclamation marks.  so tonight, this monumental night, i am going to be thankful for two things, rather than look at the unpleasant side of them (which i totally could, but i'm not going to): 1. my roommate is too hung over to invite her friends over to drink beer and watch weird crappy godzilla remake movies in our living room, so i can use my kitchen to eat and drink whatever i like without judgement and 2. i have declared tonight a "no pants night."  that's right, i have shed my pajama pants and gone hog wild.  well, not so much hog wild, but i am going to pretend i don't have any pants for the evening, as i once did in the comfort of my private dorm room so many years ago.  while i would do anything to have my boyfriend here to hang out with me, i am going to enjoy the fact that i can go sans pants and enjoy his XL t-shirt without having to look pretty.  which is nice because i'm pretty sure i'm lookin heinous right now, and lookin pretty would  be a lot of effort at this point in time.  i have couch lines on my face from my nap, for instance.  foundation cannot cover that shit up.  trust me, i've tried.  so look- i have a glorious night on my hands.  and the whole weekend to do everything i've ever wanted and everything i did not want to do: homework, presentations, writing assessments, reading ,watching netflix, sleeping, eating, cooking, cleaning, getting coffee...... i know, i'm super exciting. no need to tell me twice. 

 

p.s. friday night lights: good, but too long-winded
sizzling sixteen: decent, but nothing like to good old days of stephanie plum

43. not so smitten with this reading

it's hard to be smitten with life when you feel like you are losing the love of your life.  luckily i finished this book last night, before the storm blew through, otherwise i might not have been able to handle the "difficulties" that lizbeth and matt faced in getting together in Janet Evanovich's Smitten.  she can't handle their chemistry and the fact that he is perfect with her children, has money, protects her, and pleases her immensely in bed.  poor lizbeth. some of us actually have real relationship problems and it is eating away at my insides.  how do you deal if one person can't handle something and wants to step away while the other one is still hanging on?  it's one of those questions that pops up in many people's lives, and in many fictional situations, but it isn't ever really dealt with.  either one person remembers why they love the other one who is holding on so dearly or the other has to forge through their feelings and move on when they are not ready to.  i know everything happens for a reason, but it's hard to believe that such pain happens for a reason.  that's the problem with relationships- they are so SO good when everything is fine between the two people, but when any glitches happen, it can be the worst feeling in the world.  how can someone expect to live their life if they keep getting hurt by people they trust?  what if everything else is so great, except for one tiny detail that is hard?  it's worth it to stay, right?  or is the trust and love broken forever?  can i do anything to gain it back? 

i wish i could just disappear in one of my novels and become one of the characters who loves comes to so easily and eagerly sometimes.  is that why i read so much?  but my life is so good when its good.  and it was until this morning and now i can't even focus on the next book i'm reading because i can't stop thinking about how much it hurts and how much more it might hurt if..... i ccan't even say it.  i hope and pray for anyone out there in my predicament and i hope i can make it- no, i hope WE can make it through....