guess who's back? tell a friend.

Okay, my new goal was a complete and utter flop.  Since I last wrote (I think...) I have packed up my college life, moved back home, been a part of 2 weddings, and said a sort of goodbye to my habibi, the man of my dreams.  Yes, I miss him.  Yes, I still talk to him almost every day because I can't let go, and I don't think he can either.  There is a chance he may stay here to go to grad school.  Where does that leave me?  I'm not sure.  Since school let out, I got an awesome, albeit sometimes pretty boring, job as a technical writer/phone answerer/website designer/copy writer/dog transporter/lunch fetcher/phone call maker.....  I am now a Girl Friday, but with a little more pizazz than that, because my official position is 'Office Manager'.  Oooh, I'm really stepping up in the world, eh?  But it is a job, it is helping me pay off my post-college/post-dating-long-distance debt.  Not very quickly, but it is a journey, isn't that what they say? 
Anyway, to those of you that read this, or used to read this, or have never read this before in your life, I think I'm back.  I'm not trying to read 100 books this year (or any other year, ever again!)  but I still read.  And I like blabbering about myself.  And my besty told me she would like to read a blog about me and what i do on a day to day business but more in my personality.  so here you go.  AND since i really don't have any sort of social life outside of work and jersey shore, I still read compulsively.  So I guess I'll throw in a book review or two. 
Baby, I'm Back :)

52. in the kitchen with God's wife...

The Kitchen God's Wife, by Amy Tan

this was a heartbreaking book.  men can be truly horrendous (that's all i got from this book.... just kidding).  i honestly had a really cool insight into this book last night, but i was so close to finishing it that i thought i would wait to write about it until i finished it.  big mistake.  because guess what? now i've forgotten what it was.  if i remember, i'll be back, don't you worry.

43. not so smitten with this reading

it's hard to be smitten with life when you feel like you are losing the love of your life.  luckily i finished this book last night, before the storm blew through, otherwise i might not have been able to handle the "difficulties" that lizbeth and matt faced in getting together in Janet Evanovich's Smitten.  she can't handle their chemistry and the fact that he is perfect with her children, has money, protects her, and pleases her immensely in bed.  poor lizbeth. some of us actually have real relationship problems and it is eating away at my insides.  how do you deal if one person can't handle something and wants to step away while the other one is still hanging on?  it's one of those questions that pops up in many people's lives, and in many fictional situations, but it isn't ever really dealt with.  either one person remembers why they love the other one who is holding on so dearly or the other has to forge through their feelings and move on when they are not ready to.  i know everything happens for a reason, but it's hard to believe that such pain happens for a reason.  that's the problem with relationships- they are so SO good when everything is fine between the two people, but when any glitches happen, it can be the worst feeling in the world.  how can someone expect to live their life if they keep getting hurt by people they trust?  what if everything else is so great, except for one tiny detail that is hard?  it's worth it to stay, right?  or is the trust and love broken forever?  can i do anything to gain it back? 

i wish i could just disappear in one of my novels and become one of the characters who loves comes to so easily and eagerly sometimes.  is that why i read so much?  but my life is so good when its good.  and it was until this morning and now i can't even focus on the next book i'm reading because i can't stop thinking about how much it hurts and how much more it might hurt if..... i ccan't even say it.  i hope and pray for anyone out there in my predicament and i hope i can make it- no, i hope WE can make it through....