43. not so smitten with this reading

it's hard to be smitten with life when you feel like you are losing the love of your life.  luckily i finished this book last night, before the storm blew through, otherwise i might not have been able to handle the "difficulties" that lizbeth and matt faced in getting together in Janet Evanovich's Smitten.  she can't handle their chemistry and the fact that he is perfect with her children, has money, protects her, and pleases her immensely in bed.  poor lizbeth. some of us actually have real relationship problems and it is eating away at my insides.  how do you deal if one person can't handle something and wants to step away while the other one is still hanging on?  it's one of those questions that pops up in many people's lives, and in many fictional situations, but it isn't ever really dealt with.  either one person remembers why they love the other one who is holding on so dearly or the other has to forge through their feelings and move on when they are not ready to.  i know everything happens for a reason, but it's hard to believe that such pain happens for a reason.  that's the problem with relationships- they are so SO good when everything is fine between the two people, but when any glitches happen, it can be the worst feeling in the world.  how can someone expect to live their life if they keep getting hurt by people they trust?  what if everything else is so great, except for one tiny detail that is hard?  it's worth it to stay, right?  or is the trust and love broken forever?  can i do anything to gain it back? 

i wish i could just disappear in one of my novels and become one of the characters who loves comes to so easily and eagerly sometimes.  is that why i read so much?  but my life is so good when its good.  and it was until this morning and now i can't even focus on the next book i'm reading because i can't stop thinking about how much it hurts and how much more it might hurt if..... i ccan't even say it.  i hope and pray for anyone out there in my predicament and i hope i can make it- no, i hope WE can make it through....

You are what you eat, and I am what i watch (apparently)

Alright, I will be honest with you.  I haven't read this book word-for-word, cover to cover.  but i have skimmed, and gotten the most nutritional value that i could from it (ha ha ha ha) 
You Are What You Eat by Dr. Gillian McKeith
is an excellent guide to eating like a healthy person- 80% of the time. this isn't a diet book, it is an 'eat better so you don't perish and die of obesity and countless other health problems by age 42' book.  she claims that you can eat as much of the foods on "The Abundant Food List" (a.k.a. healthy, tasty-in-an-i'm-eating-healthy-and-feel-great kind of way).

While i was reading about nutrition and the care for your body, i had to wonder how we are supposed to care for our hearts and souls.  i just told my habibi that he was the one.  where did i get this from?  who told me that this was an important way to exercise my emotional heart health?  why aren't there studies based on real facts that can tell us what to do and say for a surefire way to stay happy and in love?  i think this is why we rely on television series and magazines so much for guidance.  i wonder if me telling him that he was the one instead of some other sappy saying was a subconscious throwback carrie and big.  "carrie, you're the one."  it makes me weep for joy for these pretend people every single time.  EVERY TIME.  there is no exaggeration there.  but these are fictional characters.  so why do i imitate them?  because they appear happy?  big goes all the way to paris to tell carrie that she is the one, and to start their lives together anew.  will i go all the way to the middle east?  does art imitate life, or does life imitate art in order to gain a sense of order and peace that is impossibe for us to navigate on our own?  even as i write this, pursuing my dream of becoming a professional writer, i have to notice that i am definitely emulating the sex and the city column.  where does this leave me?  this can't be healthy to follow something else so closely without even trying.  so does our reliance on others, specifically fictional, grandiose others, lead the way to healthier emotions, or are we parrotting them without the benefit of the reality?

questions, questions......