Saturday, August 28, 2010
51. Fourth coming
this is appropriate to record my reading of Fourth Comings today of all days because i am precisely in the mood of neurotic, over-thinking, over-analyzing jessica darling. i just want to know where he is. what he is doing. but most of all, if he's okay. i have spent my entire summer spending no less than 12 hours a day by someone's side and the second day after my car drives away from that home, we stopped talking. not because we are angry or over each other or anything like that, but because i had limited availabilty to talk to this bf who my parents dont know about as i was at home to celelbrate my father's bday. so i called and left him messages- his phone was turned off, i'm assuming because the power was dead. when i pulled out of my hometown, i ccalled- the phone was on, but no answer. i left messages. i kept trying to call (like an insane person, but he knows im not, and he sometimes does the same thing, and we love each other so we know it is out of love not insanity that we keep hitting redial). nothing all day yesterday. fine- he was (and still probably is) busy. nothing all night. no answer at any time. he hasn't been online since the day i left, according to skype info. and he still hasn't called back. nor have his friends replied to my text asking if they'd heard from him (i know, i'm crazy..... forgive me). i just want to hear his voice and talk to him and see how he is doing/what he's been up to lately/ how ramadan is going.... you know, the usual. i can barely focus on anything. it's kind of sucky. plus it's already one of those sucky saturdays where you lay around in your own filth too late, and eat crap that doesn't belong in the breakfast section of your diet, and take an afternoon shower, and do nothing even though it is nice outside. maybe that's because i don't have anyone to do anything with. where are you babe? i miss you so much.
and thus ends my jessica darling-esque freak-out. damn i am still freaking out. what if something happened to him? i just need to take a deep breath. maybe watch some more office? maybe go on a walk (by myself)? damn, this town sucks right now.